I am not okay.

I am South African 🇿🇦 , Australian , American 🇺🇸

I am also an Israeli 🇮🇱 and a Jew ✡️

I have 3 children - 2 are in active service in the Israeli military. My youngest has special needs.

I work and I run a non-profit as a volunteer.

I now also run to a safe space when we get missile alerts. I jump at every sound that could be a siren.

I have nightmares every night.

I try to create a routine for my daughter as there is no school.

I watch the news and alerts. I am devastated by the heartbreaking stories and horrific images. I mourn the loss of each life.

I stock up on essential provisions daily.

I am helping another non-profit as their staff are now in the army.

I have a debrief session each night with my daughter who at age 19 works in the war room of central command is dealing with an enormous amount of stress, seeing things that no 19 year old should ever have to.

I am packing bags of supplies for my daughter and other soldiers.

My son and daughter in law have moved in with us. My son is paramedic with the police.

I am in awe at the resilience of Israelis and the feeling of togetherness. Thousands of calls for volunteers are answered in minutes. Homes are opened to evacuees from the South. Strangers attend funerals of fallen soldiers. People cook and source supplies for victims and soldiers. People babysit for families where a parent is off fighting. Thousands greet soldiers landing at the airport. No-one waits. Everyone just does what’s needed.

I send virtual hugs to every parent with kids on the frontline. I have a friends with four sons and two son-in-laws serving.

I burst with pride that many units have had over 110 percent response to call up rates – meaning even people who have not been called up are showing up insisting on serving. People living overseas are flying in to do their duty. Israelis who have finished their military and are on their big trip overseas are coming back to fight for their land. A man in his 90’s insisted on wearing his uniform and contributing.

Mostly I am so proud of Israelis how they have come together to in time of so much death and destruction.

I remind myself that all the great empires that tried to conquer us failed. We are here and we know that Hamas will be destroyed.

I pray for the safety of the soldiers and all Israel. I pray for the wisdom of our leaders. I pray that the suffering is limited. I pray that this war will be over soon and the healing begins. I pray this is the last war my children will see.