I always knew my saddest day would be when Caila realized that she was different. Until age 15 Caila was an easy-going child who while knowing that she had Down syndrome, wore it as a badge of pride. At age 15 she began to understand what being different really meant. She watched her peers engage in a social world that she could no longer keep up with. School became too fast, too complex, and too much content. She was no longer feeling successful socially and academically.
Caila has incredible emotional intelligence and is very intuitive. She would say, “Imma, the girls are kind to me but they not my friends”. Or, “they give me fake smiles”….she was correct. No-one likes smiles and Caila was looking for friendship, not to be the subject of their chesed (kindness) project.
Teenage years are hard to begin with. Most women would not want to be sixteen again. Add in the challenge of feeling different and realizing that this is your reality, Caila began to really struggle. She decided that she no longer wanted to participate in after school activities and youth groups. She retreated from the girls at school. Gavin and I watched helplessly as she became stressed and anxious.
In this week's Torah portion Mikeitz, we learn that The Eyes See What the Heart Desires. Josef meets his brothers after not seeing them for 22 years. Joseph recognizes them, yet the brothers do not recognize Joseph.
One way of understanding this is that in the minds of the brothers, the governor that they were standing before in trepidation was so unlikely to be Yosef that they simply did not recognize him!
In the Shema we are commanded, "Do not follow after your heart, and after your eyes…" An explanation for this is that although it is the eyes that actually ‘see’, the heart is mentioned first. It is our hearts and desires that direct our eyes to what they see and perceive.
Our goal as parents with the help of therapists and teachers is to help Caila accept her challenges and see her strengths. After all, she is an amazing young lady with strong roots and values. We are hoping that with help she will heal and once again her heart will direct her eyes, and the world will be suddenly viewed in a new light.
My blessing for all of us this Hanukkah is to reflect on the light we bring into the world—not just through candles but through the blessings we have and the values we live by.
Shabbat Shalom and Hanukkah Someach
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